A is for Alpha

I need a new way to reach out to the world.  I haven’t had much success with blogs in the past and I hope to have greater success on wordpress.  My problem is always a great excitement to begin with and then a slow downfall into nothing.  I post and post and post and then nada.  I hope to stay consistent with wordpress, maybe not a post everyday, but a few posts a week would be a good goal.  This is my first post and we’re just going to jump right into it, shall we?

I’m wondering if there’s a word that describes the feeling of being insecure and very secure all at the same time.  One one hand, I feel great.  I’m finally becoming comfortable in my body, I love my hair at the moment, I’ve realized that I have great eyes and a wonderful smile.  I don’t want to sound vain, because I’m far from that.  I just think it’s important for people to tell themselves every once in a while what’s great about them, what makes them the beautiful person they are.  For years people told me that no one would ever voluntarily tell me how wonderful I am if I don’t tell myself that first.  Then someone came along and changed that belief.  Someone came into my life and started to tell me that I’m attractive, that I’m sexy, that I have great eyes and I look amazing when I smile.

But that’s where the insecure part comes in.  I’ve never had that person in my life before.  I’ve never dealt with this and I don’t know when to second guess things he says and things he doesn’t and I try not to, I really do, but I’m so new to this area that I’m more than a fish out of water, I’m more like a fish in space.  But I love this feeling I have.  It’s amazing and I’m looking forward to all the feelings to come.

As I reread this, I realize that I probably sound like a fourteen entering her first relationship.  I’m not fourteen, but this is the closest I’ve come to having a boyfriend.  I’m a late bloomer.  So late that I’m 21 and I’ve yet to have an official boyfriend.  And now that I’ve had a taste of what it feels like to care about another person like this, I don’t want to get rid of it.  I’ve seen what all the hype is about and I agree 100%.

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, because nothing is official, but I’m very happy where I am in life and he has a lot to do with that.

Not that my life wouldn’t be great if it weren’t for what’s starting.  I’m three semesters away from graduating college with my degree in English Education.  I have great friends, a wonderful roommate, amazing family and sweet pets.  I stay busy and I can’t wait to be a high school English teacher.  Life is pretty good right now.

Damn good, in fact.

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1 Comment

  1. Mr WordPress said,

    January 9, 2010 at 1:32 am

    Hi, this is a comment.
    To delete a comment, just log in, and view the posts’ comments, there you will have the option to edit or delete them.


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